1. Meditate DAILY!! - i try for this one all the time... now i have the perfect opp. to actually DO IT! every morning this summer, i will SIT. I WILL SIT!! Who could ask for a better three months of unplanned lovliness to start a lifetime habit? (lets do it :D ) 2. Make money with Reflexology - This will require some list making, some calling, practicing, business cards, cream-buying, talking, and teamwork w/ Ar. Its not now or never, but hell, im motivated NOWWWW :D 3. Adventure - TBD 4. Community - up for discussion. Just keep being friendly! 5. Work with kids - TBD - no better time to start! 6. (and/or) Volunteer - TBD 7. Find a place to bike, sans automobile. 8. Want what I've got.

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing. It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dream for the adventure of being alive. It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon... I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful to be realistic to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure yours and mine and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes.” It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

okay. call me crazy-insane, but its exactly 506 AM and i have just surrenderred to the dawn. (not quite sure when its coming though) im sittin here movin to blackalicious eating (natural) peanut butter whole wheat toast. im wide friggin AWAKE. as awake as my crazyass cat here next to me who wants to climb all over my keyboard. what time did i go to bed you ask? 2 AM... whats wrong with this picture? oh yeah... lately ive been GETTING TIRED right about this time (5 AM, if you forgot), after a good couple hours of either tossing and turning in fruitless attempts at deep breathing, visualizing, or intense reading to pass out OR after just giving in to what i know is inevitable nocturnalness, returning to the living room and the boob tube. (which i was using to watch season one of Lost, now on season two) why the earlymorning-to-bed-early-to-rise of tonight then? who knows. i honestly would have guessed my body to at least keep consistant in its retarded sleep-wake cycles. all i know is what i remember waking up to... ive mentally (recently) placed myself in a process of awakening. in actuallity, im not sure if im progressing or obsessing. either way, 20 minutes ago i woke up to fits of "awake perception" within my dream. it wasnt lucid dreaming to the point that i chose to ACT in the dream, but i was aware enough to know that i had to wake up, give up any serious attempt at sleep, and go eat toast. lucid or not, this is how it went. my mind kept going and going early on, and as i focused my awareness on my breath, i drifted into what was probably normal sleep at that stage. had some deeper dreams that i can't recall, then began to surface into some place of semi-conciousness. in that place, i experienced much "thinking" more like thoughts that were streamlining from my knowledge/memory of the awakened state (eg., separation of body/mind/conciousness, absolute love for myself and my human form, sharing those experiences - with who happened to be lost characters - , love, compassion, a "new self"/second chance, emotional sensativity to other people, etc...). let me reiterate that at first, these were all MENTAL. then as my ACTUAL awareness began to recognize/awaken to my THOUGHTS of awareness, the dream turned spiritually orgasmic. i, the real i, was taking the streamlined thoughts and attempting to FEEL them in REALITY, in the PHYSICAL. at one point not long before deciding to wake up, i remember mentally running my hands all over my body, simultaneously feeling and sending an awakened energy. im still not sure if this was in my head or if my hands actually were on the front of my hips, kind of trying to do this. the feelings led to a state of IM ALIVE! I KNOW IM ALIVE! I LOVE! I KNOW I LOVE! THINGS ARE OKAY!!! I KNOW THINGS ARE OKAY!!!!!!! (in so many words). and in this state, i knew i could not sleep. or actually, i hadn't been sleeping at all. i'd been tossing and turning, half awake, trying to be asleep, trying to hold onto that place of peace. and holy buddha. as i typed that last line.... i realized how symbolic the last hour has been. my real conciousness decided that fitful state would not do, and that i had to WAKE UP and go DO SOMETHING. forget that it was 5 AM and i have places to be in a few hours, forget that i only went to sleep three hours earlier. forget that sleep was what i was SUPPOSED to be doing, what MOST other people were doing right now. my body was screaming to be awake. i think it was also screaming to be AWAKE. "i'd been tossing and turning, half awake, trying to be asleep, trying to hold onto that place of peace." i think that describes my recent day-to-day pretty well. obviously though, i can't be asleep and hold onto that place of peace. TRYING TO made sleep utterly worthless. i had to wake up to find the peace.....